I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
