They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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