OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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