You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So squirting runs in the family.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
