i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
