How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
