she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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