And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
