I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
time to smoke my breakfast
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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