please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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