mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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