i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
