I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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