how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
