there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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