1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
