so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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