Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
