I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
