I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
