K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
