jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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