Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
