I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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