i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
