I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
