So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
