There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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