Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
