Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
