That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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