I've blown a few things in my day
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
