I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
