Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
