This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
