Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
