you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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