Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
