She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
