just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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