you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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