I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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