Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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