i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
