Kiss
Puke
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
