Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
