2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
