This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
