so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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