is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
