forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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