oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
