Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
