just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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