I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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