But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
