he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
