Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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