In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
