I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
