i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
