He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
