apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
