The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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