We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
