Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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