kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
