We're facebook friends in real life
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
