The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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