So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
