we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
