the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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