I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
