she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
