I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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