She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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