I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
