You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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