Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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