drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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