This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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