If that was your dad, he is hot
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
