at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
