if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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