Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
