How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
