so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
