Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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