Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
